Caution: The Fart Squirrel

Old Man Tiberius, known for his prized petunias and even more prized grumpiness, was tending to his garden when he heard a most peculiar sound. It wasn’t the usual chirp of a robin or the rustle of leaves. No, this was a distinct, albeit tiny, pffft. He looked around, eyes narrowing, until he spotted it: a fart squirrel, red-faced and scampering away from his prize-winning marigolds, leaving behind a faint, suspicious scent of… sulfur and regret.

“Aha!” Tiberius exclaimed, shaking his trowel. “A fart squirrel! I knew they existed!” He’d heard the whispers, the hushed tales of fart squirrels with explosive digestive systems, but had always dismissed them as urban legends. Now, here was proof, subtly stinking up his petunias. From that day on, Old Man Tiberius became the world’s foremost (and only) expert on “flatulent forest rodents,” often seen muttering to himself about “prevailing wind patterns” and “bean-based diets” for the elusive fart squirrels. His grumpiness, however, remained unchanged, perhaps even intensified by the knowledge that even the local wildlife was gassier than he was on a bad day.

This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!

You’ve now found the staple t-shirt of your wardrobe. It’s made of 100% ring-spun cotton and is soft and comfy. The double stitching on the neckline and sleeves add more durability to what is sure to be a favorite!

• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.